The Unfriendly Skies

Flying scares the crap out of me. I first stepped onto an aeroplane in 2001. It was a short flight from Exeter Airport to Palma, Majorca. Before that, I'd only ever travelled abroad by long-distance coach to Europe (and one aborted trip to the Canary Islands on my dad's yacht when I was four). I remember feeling a bit apprehensive, not knowing what to expect, but still reasonably confident. It was a relief when we landed safely, but the overall experience wasn't particularly traumatic. Plus, I was travelling with my boyfriend, who (back then) I saw as a Michael Palin-style seasoned world traveller thanks to the time he spent living in Australia. Of course, I wanted to maintain a brave face. The second time I flew, in 2004, was a little more ambitious. This time, I travelled solo from London to Brisbane. Yep, 24 hours in the air, with a stopover in Tokyo. This was probably the most happy and confident I've ever been about getting on a plane. I don't remember being afraid.
Then a few years later I began flying to/from and within China. I can pinpoint the exact moment when I started being afraid in the air. It was a domestic flight from Shenzhen (Hong Kong border city) to Dandong (North Korean border city) with one stop in Shanghai. On the second leg, I dozed off. I woke up with a violent start, feeling the plane descending and hearing no engine sound in the cabin. This brought on a panic attack which lasted several minutes. I'd also been having some weird nightmares about air accidents which made the situation worse. Anyway, it was fine, the plane was simply coming in to land in Dandong. Dandong has a tiny airport that looks like a collection of farm huts, not somewhere I'd choose to fly to again.
After this incident, although it was minor and nothing to do with the plane, I've become a nervous flyer. Up until now, I've still been able to fly, but it doesn't get better with experience. Then came the news of Air France Flight 447. This awful tragedy started with a full Airbus taking off from Rio de Janeiro and ended when the plane vanished four hours later above the dark Atlantic ocean. In the week since the incident, there has been daily news coverage following the findings of experts, as they try to solve this horrible mystery. Yep, it seems the plane just fell out of the sky and plunged into the ocean. 228 people were on board, and so far only 17 bodies have been recovered. This is my worst nightmare brought to life. I think about this exact scenario every time I sit on a plane and I'm sure it's an image that often haunts the minds of many other nervous fliers. It was a creepy feeling to see the arrivals board at Charles de Gaulle flashing 'retarde' next to AF447. I can't imagine how those families and friends must have felt, even worse - and I don't want to let myself imagine - how the doomed passengers felt. Teams of experts are still trying to find the cause of the accident. The black boxes might never be retrieved from the bottom of the ocean.
This incident will put many people off flying for a while. Like some journalist said in his article yesterday, usually we hear news of air crashes and think 'oh well, that was an African/South American/Russian airline. It was probably an old plane, badly maintained and with poor safety standards.' Air France is a First World top-notch carrier using the most modern planes available, of which Airbus is the safest and most technically advanced. I know one thing for certain, I will travel to Korea by boat this summer, and then I will ride the Trans-sib all the way home...