Civet Coffee and Chinese CVs,

Do you know which coffee is the world's most expensive? I bet you couldn't guess where it comes from...I love coffee, so I was intrigued to discover that this prime brew comes out of a cat's arse. Yes, literally. The Kopi Luwak coffee is made from coffee beans, which is nothing unusual. But the difference is that these beans pass through the digestive tract of a civet cat before being excreted onto the ground for easy collection by coffee farmers. This mainly happens in Sumatra and surrounding areas (wherever civet cats and coffee beans are in close proximity). The coffee is made by separating the beans from the rest of the dung, washing them thoroughly (whew!) then processing them like normal coffee beans. The taste of Kopi Luwak has been described variously as 'gamey', 'rich, strong and full-bodied', 'syrupy with a hint of chocolate' and 'like crap'.
So how much does a cup of this stuff cost? In London's Sloane Square, a snooty coffee shop sells Kopi Lumak for 50 pounds a cup. Various online stockists also sell it and it seems to be surprisingly popular in its coffee-snob niche market. I'd be keen to try it, but 50 pounds a cup of anything would make me cringe. If I ever get to Indonesia, I'll go hunt me some civet cats.

After wasting a lot of valuable time Googling 'crap' coffee, I got myself sufficiently motivated to finish the day's main task - translating my CV into Chinese. This was a challenging job and took me at least two hours to complete. But the end result is definitely worth it, it will certainly impress Chinese employers and what's more - it looks really, really cool. ;-) I'm quite proud of myself (although www.nciku.com did get surfed now and then...) I've got a job interview at Dalian Software Park this week. I'll have to learn the CV by heart or make myself a pinyin crib sheet for some of the new words, hehe.

I'm making plans for a return to the UK this autumn. The postgrad education idea is still firmly lodged in my mind and there are some great courses on offer. My question to myself is: would it be better to study a practical subject (MSc in International Management,Business Administration or Programme and Project Management), or go for the MA in Modern Chinese Studies at Oxford University? I think that my China experience can get me onto the Oxford course, how cool to study at Oxford! But in reality, the practical applications of an MA in Modern Chinese Studies might not be so apparent to a prospective employer, what's more, am I sufficiently fascinated by China to spend even more of my time studying it? Recently it has begun to annoy me in a whole bunch of ways. Realistically, it's time to get serious and choose a degree subject that is directly related to career. Career, Career, Career. I don't want to make the same mistake I made when picking my undergrad degree:

Dad: "You should really study business/management/computing/engineering."
Daughter: "But Sociology really interests me and it will give me good career prospects, honest!"

The future's looking colourful.

你最大的恐惧是什么？

我今天下午要给英语学生表述这个话题：恐惧。我有一个小时表述的时间我先要给他们看一看两部恐怖电影小片段。看完了以后我们会一起讨论电影的内容。今天最重要的话题是害怕和恐惧。我们为什么有害怕和恐惧？恐惧是不是一种神经病？我们怎么可以因应害怕恐惧？我认为我们可以用很多不同的方法因应我们的害怕。我已经看了几个网站关于这个话题。它们的忠告都有一样的重点：它们说为了我们因应害怕我们必须碰硬害怕。这是最有效的方法。

我表述做完以后我要在这上写多一点。

Foul Moods and Temperaments

Boooom! In China, my moods are on a roller-coaster. A big old rickety made-in-China roller-coaster, which the slightest tremor can set off rolling in the wrong direction - generally downhill. These days the moods seem to have gotten worse, maybe a signal that it's time to leave this place for pastures new. Things that are guaranteed to piss me off include any combination of the following: Chinese drivers' selfish and blatant disregard for other road users, people spitting, smoking in any enclosed space, hearing the word 'laowai', shop assistants who will NOT leave me alone, queue-jumping and barging, seeing herds of LBH everywhere, locals staring, people indicating numbers by holding up their fingers, incessant gusts of strong wind, counter-intuitive elevators, and finally, travelling on the light rail between Dalian and Kaifaqu. Do I sound seriously moody and bitchy today? That's because I AM. Grrrr!

处于补丁状态 or Banished to the Cold Palace

这个月是我在大连的末期。我需要在一个月内节省尽可能多地钱。为了这样做，我需要教英语（我最不喜欢的工作）。我可以用这个基金帮助我做有些重要的关于工作和生活的决定。
就是很惊人，虽然经济危机的时候尽管如此在中国还很容易找到教英文的工作。

我不太喜欢处于补丁状态 。太不确定了！

LBH Power Tripping

Ah, the famous LBHs. They can be found just about everywhere in China, especially if that place is home to lots of young, willing local girls with visual impairment. For those not in the know, LBH stands for "Loser Back Home" and is used to refer to rather unpleasant Western men who, having trouble getting laid back home, come to Asia to behave like kings and have young women falling at their feet.

Urbandictionary.com defines the term as follows:

-Short for "Loser Back Home". -Refers to expatriates (Usually hailing from North America or Europe) with low standards who create a completely different persona in their new country to cover for the fact that they are seen as complete douchebags back home. -The LBH are increasing in number in many Asian countries, specifically Japan and China. -They usually prey on Asian girls with low self esteem to compensate for never getting laid back in their home countries. Native: "Look at that LBH, trying to take all of our women..." Expat with sense: "I'm ashamed for all Westerners..."

LHT: a new phrase has been just coined. LHT = "Loser Here Too" Thank you Andrew for amazing literary input.

Check out this post for a second opinion, it's pretty straight to the point...
http://chinadirt.blogspot.com/2007/01/lbh-loser-back-home.html

"How to Avoid Flirting" - some advice from ehow.com

Maybe there's someone you know likes you, and you don't want to give the wrong impression that the feeling's mutual. Or maybe you're in a relationship and don't want it to look like you're thinking of cheating. For whatever reason, sometimes you'll need to avoid flirtatious behavior -- here's how to do it.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Step 1: Share your problems with this person, moan, and sulk about things. When you flirt, you are supposed to be positive and smile.
Step 2: If this person starts to flirt, block it. Ignore him or her, or just give back no signals.
Step 3: Don't look the person in the eye. Concentrate on something else while you talk to him or her, and if you do look at the person, don't hold the gaze, but don't look nervous or scared either.
Step 4: Motion a friend to come over. If a friend senses your discomfort, they'll often intervene.
Step 5: Leave. Politely tell them that you have somewhere else to get to or someone else you need to talk to.
Step 6: Talk about how great your significant other is.

By anastasiastarz from www.ehow.com

Getting Naked in Public

Today Dalian has become beautiful, 12 degrees C and sunny. My balcony door is wide open and the fresh breeze flits in and out. Outside, grass mowers whirr, providing a strangely peaceful background noise reminiscent of typical English summers. For a polluted Chinese city, the Dalian sky is frequently bright blue. The air feels clean, although the continual need to clear my throat suggests otherwise...

With spring finally on its way, Dalian is a pleasant place to be. The long cold winters with the fierce wind are always hard work, but now we can look forward to summer - hopefully it'll be a good one. Dalian's beaches are quite famous in China, much better than the last Chinese 'famous beach' I visited. That one was down south, in Zhuhai, and it was a dirty, crowded and unpleasant place. People were swarming (as they do everywhere in China) and the sand was laced with litter. As for the water, I took one glance and wasn't brave enough to venture near it.

Recently I've been bullying myself to make regular gym visits and the effort is paying off (i.e. I'm shattered every night and sleep like a baby). The real aim, of course, is to get in shape for summer's bikini-posing. A typical workout routine consists of the following: I get on the cross-trainer and run like a nutter for 45 minutes on the highest setting I can handle. Then, dripping sweat and with legs like jelly, I stagger off and head for the weights. After a round of these, plus situps, I am totally finished. I head back to the changing rooms avoiding the naked Chinese ladies, and try and locate my locker. This usually has a naked Chinese lady blocking access to the door. I don't involve myself in public nudity, but am gradually getting used to situations with other people that do. Am still not brave enough for communal showering though!

Talking of forced public nudity, a story springs to mind. Last year a close female friend and I went to the sauna together. It was a hilarious experience...The first surprise was that we were expected to get naked in front of everyone, including each other! Now this girl is a good friend of mine, but at the time I had only known her for a month. Even if I'd known her all my life, I would not wish to remove all my clothes and walk around in front of her. It's weird... Also the Chinese staring does not improve matters for me.

My friend had been here before and was used to it. She had no problems with anything and happily jumped into the upright sauna machine, leaving just her head sticking out. It looked very strange and extremely amusing, like a mad scientist in a cryogenic freeze, or a creature with human head but no body. It got even more amusing when one of the staff started feeding my friend green tea through a straw. We became hysterical with laughter and I think the staff were rather mystified. Maybe it was one of those jokes where you just had to be there.

I was still fully clothed at this point and staff kept pressing me to get 'em off and get in the shower. I finally informed one of them, in Chinese, that I was a bit too shy and wanted to undress in private. Of course I got my way. The masseuse was very good, really sorting out the many tense bad spots. It hurt a lot. She kept up a steady stream of chatter in Chinese, which was difficult to answer while your face is pressed into a hole. I felt the massage had made a significant difference, which unfortunately cannot be said for many other massage 'experiences' in China.

A spin too far

Sara and I went to spinning class again this evening. It's becoming a daily ritual so we're going to be very fit soon. But today seemed rather unlucky, as a number of unfortunate things happened. Firstly, en-route to the gym, I got a text from Sara saying "we're stuck in the f**king elevator!" I arrived to find a large group of people clustered around the elevator. When I finally reached the ground floor I saw another text, "We had to crawl out of the elevator between floors." I used to be so phobic of elevators when I was a child. It was similar to the fear of flying I now have as an adult.

Anyway, the spinning class got started, the instructor was really great - highly motivational (and hot!)- and we were pedalling away like crazy people. Then a weird noise came from Sara's bike and suddenly the pedal broke completely off and the second piece of bad luck began. Sara had a large graze on her calf where the metal pedal had torn into her leg. It was bleeding quite heavily, so we went to the office and were immediately surrounded by the helpful and very apologetic gym staff. Using me as an interpreter, they recommended that Sara should see a doctor, so off to the hospital we went. The doctors all wore jeans and trainers under their white coats. One of them spoke some English. They wanted to give Sara a tetanus jab but, after a test showed she could be allergic, the nurse decided against it. I was quite proud that I could help translate the Chinese word for 'allergic'. There were a few amusing signs around the hospital, so I used the Nokia to snap photos while we were waiting for the allergy test results.


As we were discussing Sara's antibiotics with the doctor, an ambulance raced up outside with lights flashing. There was a big commotion outside and then a stretcher was rushed in. Lying on it was a man with blood pouring from the back of his head as he shook and twitched convulsively. The doctors hurried him through the reception and disappeared through the swing doors followed by a group of men, must have been his friends, one of them with blood all over his hands. At first we assumed it was a traffic accident, but we then overheard someone mention a fight. I hope the guy makes it. Sara and I asked Candy what usually happens in China in this situation, if a person doesn't have enough cash on them to pay the doctor's fee upfront. She replied that the doctors will "do some small treatment first, like stopping the blood flow." But when we asked about urgent life-saving treatment, she wasn't sure, and thought that it was essential to pay before anything more would be done.

It often seems to me that human life is taken a little more lightly here than back home. It also makes me realise how fortunate we are in England to have the NHS, which even with its problems is still free medical care for every citizen.

Finally, we left the hospital and headed home. Sara and I will be back at spinning class on Thursday...

Finally - the beginning

At last I did it, I sat down and started a blog. There have been a few failed attempts in the past, but this won't be one of them. Now is a perfect time in my life to start blogging; lots of free time, the need for something constructive to fill it, and living in one of the world's most intriguing countries.

Even though I was strongly influenced by Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist blog, this won't be some kind of all-China career guide. Penelope's career advice is pretty useful (and amusing), but her blog simply encouraged me to start one of my own, hell, I don't have nearly enough career experience anyway. I will focus on what I know best, my immediate environment. My posts will sometimes veer towards the serious, if I find a serious topic, but most of the time they will just be a humourous account of life and adventures in China, experiences, encounters and lessons learned along the way.

Check out Brazen Careerist here: http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/

What's what in Dalian

Throughout this blog, at least while I live in Dalian, I will often refer to certain places and things. Here's a brief what's what.

Places:
Dalian (大连): Medium-sized seaside city of 6 million people, situated on the north-east coast of China. I have lived in Dalian since November 2007.
Kai Fa Qu (The Development Zone): The 'Zone', an area 40 minutes from Dalian where Deng Xiaoping (as he did with a few other places in China, the first was southern Shenzhen) invited many foreign companies to come and set up business. The result was rapid development, from a small farming town to a bustling (relatively) metropolis, complete with Starbucks. I currently rent an apartment in the Development Zone and used to work here.
Dalian Software Park: An area full of I.T. companies (Dalian's silicon valley), where I worked last year. Not much of interest here except for a few Muslim restaurants.
Lushun: A place in Dalian where foreigners are not supposed to go. Location of a military base. I will get there one day and check it out.

Other things:

"Laowai" - Chinese slang term for foreigner. Most of us find it highly annoying and I have a good story to tell about it later.
"Qing gui" - Not to be confused with the name of my friend Qing Hui, this is the Chinese word for the light train that runs between Kai Fa Qu and Dalian. Always packed to the gills and often a source of annoyance, yet still the most cost-efficient way to reach downtown.

More to be added later...

Once upon a time...there was an SAP Project Manager

Once upon a time, in a land far far away...a young girl was offered a job. The job was difficult and challenging, but also interesting. The girl was inexperienced and unqualified for this job. But the men that hired her were not concerned about these small factors. They, one in particular, were simply concerned with escaping from that land far away and going home to the fatherland. So they handed her the job on a silver platter. The girl was very excited about the new challenge she faced, her attitude was positive and she was determined to do well. However, her lack of experience did not stand her in good stead. The man who was her superior was rather a strange fellow. He did not like to talk much and he was always busy. He seemed to disapprove of the girl right from the start, rarely offering her anything but criticism. He had an unusual habit of humming to himself when she tried to ask him questions. The girl strived to do her best, but she never seemed able to meet the mysterious expectations of her enigmatic superior. Another man, an outsider, was kind to the girl and did his best to advise and support her. But it was not enough. Two months after she started, when the trial period ended, the girl was out. The girl was quite surprised and rather disappointed, because she had been working hard as best she knew how, using her initiative and trying to cope with such a distinct lack of guidance. She liked her colleagues and her working environment, also she found the daily work interesting and motivating. The girl was sad to leave, but, being an imaginative and strong-minded person, accepted the situation and immediately set to work on plan B. She viewed the short-lived time at this job as a valuable learning experience, proof that taking a risk is still worth doing even if it doesn't work out. What is life without the excitement of challenging ourselves?

你想要这个吗？(Would you like this?)

Monday is usually the quietest night of the week. A good night for staying in with a DVD, doing the ironing, or catching up with friends from home. Not for English teachers and the unemployed. Nope, we go out and get a little tipsy, then run riot in the streets of Development Zone looking for suitable entertainment. Tonight's chosen beverage was vodka and Coke. After a few of these, checking all the bars for signs of life, wandering into, and then straight out of, a Chinese nightclub (very cheesy place!), we decided to make our own fun.

Sara then discovered an abandoned hair curling iron lying on the pavement. She decided it would be cool to try and sell it to any taxi drivers who honked their horns at us. After all, white girls shouldn't be out walking on their own two legs, they should be taking cabs everywhere. It only took a few attempts, with the new phrase 你想要这个吗？(Would you like this?) coming in very useful. One driver bought it for the bargain price of two yuan, reduced from two hundred.

Sara then got ambitious, and tried to sell a rock on a string but, surprisingly, she was less lucky this time. Finally, in the pinnacle of drunken foolishness, selling oneself to a taxi driver seemed like an amusing idea. We suggested it at a price of 6000 yuan, and looked at each other in horror as the guy went quiet and thought it over. I told him it was just a joke, wished him goodnight and made a quick exit. Then back to Sara's place, where we played with iPods and exchanged lists of music to download. Later on, someone started knocking at her front door. We ignored it but they continued to knock and only stopped after a good ten minutes of solid ignoring. I felt a little nervous about leaving her house after all this, but made the break and got home safely where I now sit in front of my netbook, typing this.

Goodnight.

Beauty and the Beast

blogging on the move 2: is this guy teaching a one-to-one English class or just trying to pick up a girl...

Here I am still sitting in Starbucks waiting for my interview and doing a spot of sneaky people-watching from behind my laptop.

There's an old Western guy sitting alone at a table looking a tad shifty. A girl shows up and joins him. The American, because as soon as he opens his mouth this is unmistakable, declares to his new companion, "I have two degrees and my resume is all over with business experience. I don't know any Chinese because when I went to school they didn't teach it, haha chortle chortle". The young pretty Chinese girl sitting with him sounds less than impressed. She giggles in a nervous and insincere way as she answers his next question - "So, may I ask you what you do?" She is an English teacher but trying to start up her own business in something. Now they have started discussing salaries. This could be a match made in heaven - Beauty and the Beast. Passport and dollars meet youth and beauty. Just another normal day in China.

Oh, here we go, here's another gem...The American says to the girl, "Did you study English under a German? Why, because you keep saying "Ja" and that is what Germans say, not us Americans, oh no, we say "Yeah".

Hilarious. Although I must confess, since working for and hanging round with Germans, I have also developed a new habit of saying "Ja" instead of "Yes", as we English say.

Gem Number 2: The American asks loudly to the girl, "Suppose you have a company and you die, what happens to the company?"

Gem Number 3: "Education in America is, probably, better than education in China", declares our favourite American, loudly of course.

Unfortunately I'm going to miss out on the rest of the drama, because I have an interview to go to. But I'm sure there will be many more situations like this to amuse and enlighten me...

New Gadgets and New Careers

blogging on the move again

I feel very streamlined today. I have my little netbook (made by Lenovo - it's so small, just like an actual book!) tucked into my handbag along with my new Nokia E71 smartphone (with wifi and lots of other exciting features!) this means I now have absolutely no excuse for being lazy with this new blog.

I have a job interview this afternoon, so am in a Dalian downtown Starbucks waiting for it. It's for a teaching job...but a short-term one (a month) teaching English writing skills to IELTS students in preparation for their exam. The money isn't great, but having busy mornings will help structure my days and motivate me to achieve more in my free afternoons and evenings.

This week I viewed three apartments on behalf of Dr Kay. He lives in the Shangri-la hotel but also wants to rent a second apartment in my building, for easy switching between Dalian and Kai Fa Qu. The original agent, Jenny, who helped me to rent my apartment had apparently left her job. Her two replacements were overexcited about helping a foreigner, but friendly and efficient. One of them was a logistics student at university and spoke a little English. I used the amazing Nokia to snap photos of the apartments and arrange them all into an 'active note' for emailing later to Kay. Hopefully he'll now be able to choose one and let his secretary finish off the negotiations with the landlord.

I was up at 6am today, when I managed to catch Fran on MSN. She is still having a whale of a time in New Zealand doing the working holiday thing. It sounds like fun and quite tempting. I considered it for an hour or two, but in reality, working holiday jobs consist of bar, waitressing, or - heaven forbid - fruit picking. The kind of stuff I left behind when I graduated. I don't think it would do much to improve my already fragile CV. I still need to find a good explanation for the two month mini-stint playing at project management. Although I think I can explain it honestly enough and point out how my total lack of experience in the field combined with a total lack of training/guidance didn't exactly equal stunning success. However, I know I still worked hard and learned a lot in those two months. Maybe things would have been better if I'd had a boss who was prepared to support and mentor me. But life is not about saying 'what if' and 'maybe' - it's about learning from every experience, good or bad, and using that knowledge to help you do better next time.